Life's Curve Balls

Dear Readers,

I must apologize for my blogging absence. It's not because I have given up on my cause, but rather life has decided to throw several curve balls at once. The fatigue and other symptoms that plagued my recent daily life turned into extreme faintness in the middle of the work day. When I called my doctor's office, I got a rather patronizing nurse and I was not pleased with her response. She quizzed me on what I ate (everything I should and nothing I shouldn't) and she tried to make it seem like my protein intake was the problem. Come again? The diet I have eaten the last year that has made me healthy, energetic, and 45 pounds lighter is suddenly the issue? I call shenanigans. It was reminiscent of all those previous doctors who didn't believe me when I said there's a problem with my health and they'd sent me packing with a "it's all in your head" or "you're perfectly healthy" fairy tale ending. If I haven't changed anything in my diet, supplements, or exercise routine...tell me what I'm doing wrong, please. All you're doing is fueling the fire that makes me push for the desired outcome and I'll prove you wrong.

The very next day, a Friday, I received a call while at work. Anyone who is a teacher understands you don't get to answer personal calls during classroom time. My personal phone is on vibrate and I check it during my conference period, which happens to be at 3:00pm this year. The advice on the phone was too late to follow through with. I was advised that if I still felt that faint, I should go to a walk-in clinic. I was rather displeased with the message because of bad timing. And yes, I did not make that decision on my own the day before because, guess what, I'm used to not having help. The only good that came of it is that the nurse has to retract her statement to me from the day before because when the doctor read her notes from our phone conversation, he had a completely opposite viewpoint. He suggested seeking medical care immediately if it persisted.

I knew a walk-in clinic was not a viable option. Are they thyroid experts? It's more like mini-triage for flu, dehydration, spider bites, high fevers, etc. My thyroid results routinely come back "normal range" and the like and I don't get help with 99% of the medical population (quite frustrating). I could seek ER help, but we know what that'll end up as...a ridiculously high medical bill where I receive zero help. I knew my general practitioner wouldn't take any walk-ins after 2:30pm and, let's add, getting a sub the last hour of the work day is just so easy, right? Ha ha ha! Not! Besides I was heading to a parent conference in the next 30 seconds after hanging up the phone. Oh yes, thanks for helping. I called you on a day when I had time to make arrangements to receive help...and didn't receive it. Just lovely.

Since timing was bad and I didn't expect any help until my next doctor's appointment mid-October, I simply did what I had done prior to finding this doctor. I overate carb-meals for the next week (carbs I can eat, like corn tortillas and rice) knowing that weight gain would happen, but I also wouldn't keel over from my body over-reacting to what it thought was lack of food. Doc told me at my last doctor's appointment that it sounded like my body didn't want to lose anymore weight and he'd like to run blood testing to verify his theory. In essence, my body's communication had crossed some wires and it thought I wasn't eating enough fuel and it demanded more or it'd throw a temper tantrum in the fashion of dizziness and black vision. That means that I was right back where I used to be before this doctor, an undiagnosed thyroid patient feeling ravenous to the point of extremely distracted when she had eaten a healthy, satisfying, and filling meal one or two hours previously.

So, I made a choice to overeat calorie-wise because I knew that would balance out my body's crossed-wires communication systems and get me through each work day. I lucked out. It was 6 Weeks test taking time and used that time to sit and lean against my small-group table when the world started swimming (and no, snacking didn't help, only overeating did). I knew I wouldn't get to press the issue the following week because I had planned a trip months in advanced and I wouldn't even be in-state. I slept that weekend and I hadn't napped like that since last summer when my body was still slowly healing with the new medical help.

This out-of-state trip, simply stated, included visiting an extremely good friend because her city hosts a Comicon each September. I considered it a belated birthday celebration since my birthday is at the end of August. I was only out three work days and I slept on the plane and took a slower pace. When I started getting faint with swimming black vision, we ate and rested. I rested often.

The day prior to leaving I received an additional curve ball. I was absolutely devastated to hear a close colleague of mine, someone I considered a dear friend, had passed away. She and I worked closely with 4th grade writing. Literally, not only did I lose a friend, but my work-partner. I've had to change my students' academic schedule (we would split students each class period) and I'm still adjusting my curriculum because I know, for a fact, she's going to be extremely hard to replace. Not because of any bias on my part, I assure you. She was an expert veteran and you grow into those positions. And those individuals who are that awesome are all working somewhere by this time of year. I'm on my own. We discussed and agreed upon curriculum, lessons, resources, and Saturday School tutorials. I shared each test result with her and we identified who needed what kind of help. We talked to parents together. We ate lunch together almost every day.

To say the least, I've spent the last week absolutely heartbroken...and then progressively concerned because I'm an intelligent woman who is often brutally honest with herself. I recognize what I have to do alone. I know they can't replace her easily. My grade-level coworkers aren't much of team players and I'm not a charmer that can motivate them towards that end. I'm a passionate educator and that sometimes charms other educators because passion can be infectious, but my grade-level coworkers prefer focusing on negativity. I lost my only positive teammate. So, forgive me my blogging absence. I've had more than a few curve balls to juggle, bat, or dodge. I'm still trying to figure out which ones I can toss back and say, "In your face, you thought you had me!" I think I've tossed at least one of those curve balls back just to be pummeled by the others.

My Reverse T3 blood test I took came back Wednesday. I learned this on the automated answering service my doctor's office has. Since our local laboratory facility is slow to return the results to the doctor and often do not get them to the doctor by my appointment, I decided to do it asap. It cost me almost $100 copay, which I've never experienced before but when you're desperate to have improved health, you pay it. Surprisingly, results were in under a week (maybe some angels expedited the process).

The automated message stated that my thyroid is sluggish and we're upping my desiccated thyroid from 30mg (which I've been on about 20 months) to 60mg. At this point, I'm not going to the doctor earlier than my already-scheduled October appointment. I'm just doubling my present prescription and I was directed to call their office and they'll call my pharmacy about my new prescription.

The morning after my first increased thyroid dose, I didn't hit my alarm 4 times before actually getting up. I hit it once. The next day, I didn't hit it at all. For the previous 3 weeks, I was hitting the alarm button 4 or 5 times and then moving very sluggishly and getting to work at 7:30am instead of my regular 7:00-7:10am. Now, I'm not falling asleep during homework time with my girls, which is often about 5 or 6pm. I'm not experiencing that crazy faintness and swimming black vision. So, here's one curve ball I can toss back into the ether and shout, "You thought you had me, but I'm too stubborn to give up on my health! I don't mind nagging my health professionals. Ha ha ha!"

Thyroid problems are not easy to deal with. It's a hidden devil. All I can say is, if you have a friend or family member that appears to have frequent problems, don't think it's lack of will power that they're gaining weight. Don't think they're sneaking food because you see them eat a salad every day at work, but they're gaining weight so they must be sneaking food. Don't think they're making it up because you don't have conclusive symptoms like a fever (in fact their temperature will be lower than anyone else's). They're always donning a sweater or about to pass out if they're in summer heat for just 15 minutes. Thyroid symptoms are easy to miss.

Thyroid is a silent, invisible beast and make thyroid patients - diagnosed and mistreated or undiagnosed and not treated - give up and bit by bit, lose parts of their lives. I've heard and read stories of people who've lost spouses and had to quit dream careers because they couldn't maintain a simple life pace. I've known women that menopause caused a sudden collapse and their thyroid was at fault. I've met people (and suspect I am one) where childbirth triggered a malfunctioning and sputtering thyroid.

If you know someone like me, don't use tough love to browbeat them and push them into being better or doing more because you think it's all in their heads. It's not an attitude adjustment they need. If you see family or friends with fatigue, depression, or anxiety, these are symptoms of a hidden health issue. If someone is so fatigued, a doctor diagnoses them with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it might actually be a thyroid problem. If someone has health problems all over their body, it's not that they want all this attention. Their thyroid is giving them health issues all over their body.

If someone who knows is in so much pain as to affect a brief outing at the zoo (and you're not remotely worn out)...and quite possibly, they've been diagnosed as having Fibromyalgia...it could be actually be their thyroid. They'll probably experiencing many health tests that have no conclusive data to prove any diagnosis, but yet their fatigue, daily pain, and grogginess persists and interferes with relationships and social calendars.

I press these points because I've been that person that doctors and close people didn't believe. I was told I was weak or it was all in my head. I just had to have mind over matter. I was told I was wasting money on supplements and foods and doctor's appointments. I was told that my thyroid theory was off base because nothing I tried was working....that it was all in my head. I was told I needed to see a psychiatrist.

I'm more stubborn that most in that passive-aggressive way. I knew all those voices were wrong. You won't know I'm disagreeing with you until I take action later on. But I was right to be stubborn about firing this doctor and pursue another course...and then fire that doctor and move on again. I found a miracle practitioner who is helping me and it's not an over-night event. We're still tweaking my health needs 20 months after our initial appointment and diagnosis.  You must be proactive and you must complain. The squeakiest wheel gets the oil, after all. The ether is greasing their pitch and you think you'll never get a homerun. Life throws you curve balls, so what? Just understand you gotta keep dodging them however you can and you'll get knocked down some. Keep picking the balls back up and volleying them back as soon as you have the strength. Do not give up. You're literally fighting for your life.

If you read this not because you have health issues but because someone you care about does...support them in every way. Don't buy them donuts as a treat. Don't suggest fast food for lunch. And when a doctor says "there's nothing wrong," encourage them to fire that quack and hire a new one. The support we get is paramount in the help we receive and how quickly we are able to live our lives again.

So, here's throwing a curve ball back. I missed several weeks of blogging, but I'm back.